Well the last few days have been very very productive for me. I am making a movie and finally getting my t-shirt idea off the ground, and i couldn't be more excited. I dont want to jinx it yet, but watch this space as i will be telling you more about it as time goes on. I dont want it to fail before it begins.
One of my best mates Kym came over last night. We had the most awesome chat. We have been best mates for nearly 10 years, and through stupidity on both sides we drifted quite far apart. He went through a marriage breakdown, and had some pretty massive issues. It's good to see after all the shit we have been through, he is still my homie.
We were chatting about the funny things in life. What we thought was the end of the world in high school for example, is now so god damn funny that we laugh about it so much. Hes finally sorted his life out, and i am so proud of him. I just wish sometimes that i could do the same. I'll get there.
I cannot stop thinking about this new idea i have. I really want to tell everyone, but at the same time i do not want to set myself up for failure. If this works though, it will make me a very happy man. Rob is a champion, he helps me with these ideas so much, he always supports me and i cannot wait to work with him in a lot more ways (There was a massive hint there!!)
Came to start thinking about life in general, and have to say that things aren't all as happy as i want them. Thought i would be settled down with a kid or 2 by now, have my own house and be loved by someone special. This hasn't happened, and looks like it won't for some time. Kinda over being alone. MY little brother gets married in 2 weeks, with a kid on the way and i am so jealous of him. I want that. I always have wanted that.
Anyway what can you do. Probably a good thing that it hasnt happened yet. Everytime i get close to someone in a relationship, i fuck it up anyway. Maybe i should turn gay?? Might be easier?? Shame i'm not gay actually.
Gotta hate these reflective moments in life where you second guess everything that you are/will ever be. I think i might go to the pet store and buy a lot of cats.
James out.
Sunday, 17 July 2011
Sunday, 12 June 2011
Things that are difficult
I life I believe that things have to be difficult, otherwise life would be boring. What I don't understand is why everything has to be hard at once.I work hard, im a nice guy who does my best to help those who need it, and yet i cop crap from people for doing so. Sometimes being between a rock and a hard place sucks, especially when its a catch 22 where no matter what you choose, it will piss someone off. I have decided that i wont let this happen anymore. I am now going to do things that i believe are right.
My best mate/tattooist gave me some awesome advice last night, advice that i will keep forever. He said there are 2 types of friends in the world. The first is the type of friends who sticks by you. The second type is the friends that you stick to. The third type of friend are the ones where it is mutual. The first type will get what they need from you, then they will leave and you may or may see them again. He said not to be sad when this happens, as you know you helped that person in that particular time, and they really needed you. The second obviously is you doing that to other people. You get what you need from them and then you go on your way. Now this may seem selfish, but everyone does it. You make friends in the wierdest of places. School friends, work friends, even friends that you make on a camp or conference you get something from. You could be close for those few days, think you have a bond and then never see them again. The third is the most important one. The mutual. When this occurs, you know they are going to be there for life. You may only see this person once or twice a year, but when you do it is like time hasn't even passed. I have very few of these friends, but the ones i do have, i hold very close. They are the men that have shaped me today.
This got me thinking. I sat and thought about all the people currently in my life, trying to put them into a category of what they mean to me. I found it hard, as it isnt easy to think that you may just be using someone to get something out of them. I would hate to do that, as it isnt fair on anyone. Then it struck me. Hindsight is a bastard of a thing, but it occurs after the fact. I won't know who fits into what category until everything is said and done. That the fun part of life i guess. Nothing is predictable. Nothing.
This upset me a tad. Could i be using everyone?? Are people using me?? Do i need to change my habbits of what i think i have made progress from the old drug fucked James?? Was i better then??
The answer is no. I refuse to change anything whatsoever. Why should i change?? I am me. People can think what they want, but there is nothing anyone can say that will make me be something i am not.
What am i you may ask???
I am James Dickinson. Thats all you need to know.
James out.
My best mate/tattooist gave me some awesome advice last night, advice that i will keep forever. He said there are 2 types of friends in the world. The first is the type of friends who sticks by you. The second type is the friends that you stick to. The third type of friend are the ones where it is mutual. The first type will get what they need from you, then they will leave and you may or may see them again. He said not to be sad when this happens, as you know you helped that person in that particular time, and they really needed you. The second obviously is you doing that to other people. You get what you need from them and then you go on your way. Now this may seem selfish, but everyone does it. You make friends in the wierdest of places. School friends, work friends, even friends that you make on a camp or conference you get something from. You could be close for those few days, think you have a bond and then never see them again. The third is the most important one. The mutual. When this occurs, you know they are going to be there for life. You may only see this person once or twice a year, but when you do it is like time hasn't even passed. I have very few of these friends, but the ones i do have, i hold very close. They are the men that have shaped me today.
This got me thinking. I sat and thought about all the people currently in my life, trying to put them into a category of what they mean to me. I found it hard, as it isnt easy to think that you may just be using someone to get something out of them. I would hate to do that, as it isnt fair on anyone. Then it struck me. Hindsight is a bastard of a thing, but it occurs after the fact. I won't know who fits into what category until everything is said and done. That the fun part of life i guess. Nothing is predictable. Nothing.
This upset me a tad. Could i be using everyone?? Are people using me?? Do i need to change my habbits of what i think i have made progress from the old drug fucked James?? Was i better then??
The answer is no. I refuse to change anything whatsoever. Why should i change?? I am me. People can think what they want, but there is nothing anyone can say that will make me be something i am not.
What am i you may ask???
I am James Dickinson. Thats all you need to know.
James out.
Monday, 30 May 2011
Tattoo's and the stigma of having them.
Everyone knows how i love tattoos. I am pretty covered and am proud to be. Even the kids at the school i work at call me tattoo man. I get people asking me about them all the time, and love talking about the reasons and the head space i was in when i got them. I have never for a second worried about my artwork. Until last week.
As those who know me, i have been working on a short film "PAL" at the school i work at. We won a competition to make one for a film festival, and i came on board as a technical adviser, who ended up helping with filming, editing and whatever else was needed. It was an amazing experience and i thank EJ for letting me be apart of it, as it has inspired me to do more in the industry. Im going off topic, so here is the issue.
We had to do some PR bullshit last week. I drove the boys down and EJ drove the girls. We were all so excited as we were going to see where our film was to be showed, where Dungog actually was, and for the chance to get in the paper/tv/whatever else they had lined up. Personally i was super stoked as i like doing things that are different. I have been battling with the limelight for years. My self esteem has been so low most my life, and i thought maybe this would bring me up. Lame i know.
We had the photos done, we loved seeing where the movie was going to be. I felt really happy that i was apart of something.
We went back to the viewing and i was told that i could no longer be apart of the photos. I am tattooed and it wasnt what they wanted. This was said at a film festival. A place where creative people hang out. A type of art. Are they fucking serious?? Now i know i am just whinging, and i probably will be told to shut up by a certain drama english teacher of mine, but i was totally bummed. I worked so damn hard and now i wasnt allowed to be apart of anything, like the kids were.
I decided that they are stupid heads. Mainly because tattoos are exploding in popularity. I mean if you look at the friends you have, i guarantee a large percentage of them have one. I just took it to the extreme. In fact after this, i am looking at getting my hands done, just to piss everyone else off!!
James out, looking at tat designs.
As those who know me, i have been working on a short film "PAL" at the school i work at. We won a competition to make one for a film festival, and i came on board as a technical adviser, who ended up helping with filming, editing and whatever else was needed. It was an amazing experience and i thank EJ for letting me be apart of it, as it has inspired me to do more in the industry. Im going off topic, so here is the issue.
We had to do some PR bullshit last week. I drove the boys down and EJ drove the girls. We were all so excited as we were going to see where our film was to be showed, where Dungog actually was, and for the chance to get in the paper/tv/whatever else they had lined up. Personally i was super stoked as i like doing things that are different. I have been battling with the limelight for years. My self esteem has been so low most my life, and i thought maybe this would bring me up. Lame i know.
We had the photos done, we loved seeing where the movie was going to be. I felt really happy that i was apart of something.
We went back to the viewing and i was told that i could no longer be apart of the photos. I am tattooed and it wasnt what they wanted. This was said at a film festival. A place where creative people hang out. A type of art. Are they fucking serious?? Now i know i am just whinging, and i probably will be told to shut up by a certain drama english teacher of mine, but i was totally bummed. I worked so damn hard and now i wasnt allowed to be apart of anything, like the kids were.
I decided that they are stupid heads. Mainly because tattoos are exploding in popularity. I mean if you look at the friends you have, i guarantee a large percentage of them have one. I just took it to the extreme. In fact after this, i am looking at getting my hands done, just to piss everyone else off!!
James out, looking at tat designs.
Monday, 23 May 2011
New Blog Coming NOW!!
So ive decided to add a few blogs to my page. This one will be my whinging one, and i will be added another one reviewing different things that i come across in my job/day to day life.
Enjoy friends =)
Enjoy friends =)
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Secrets and why we do what we do
I am a very personal guy. I hate broadcasting my life as everytime i have, things go drastically wrong and i end up getting really hurt or looking like an idiot. There are many reasons for this, and no one seems to understand why i do the things i do. It doesnt really bother me that much, but when i get to know new people they always think im hiding something. Trust me, im not.
Im not a massive fan of secret relationships. I have been in a couple and i had my reasons on why this is the case, but i was never a massive fan. This being said, sometimes things like this need to stay a secret. There are many reasons why this is the case. It could be work related, family related, health related or any other personal issue that a person could be going through at a certain time.
Just because you are in this situation doesn't make you untrustworthy. I consider my self pretty trustworthy, just because im a private person who doesnt like my business spread around the world, shouldn't make me seem like im a sneak.
Anyway enough of that.
Reece leaves today. Feels pretty shit house knowing that its just going to be me for a while, without my sidekick. This bums me out on many levels. The first is the absolute stupidity we used to get up to. The booze, the drugs, the talk of women. I will miss those times. The second are the arguments over stupid things. I would always use wikipedia or google to prove my point, and he would always ignore it, tell me to "Fuck off" and storm off. The third is our late night chats. Religion, Women, Games, Music, Stupid things we have done in the past and stupid things we are planning to do in the future. These are just a few of the conversations we've had in the past. It was very odd for us to go a day without seeing each other or talking to each other.
As they say, all good things come to an end. Living with him wasnt only good, it was awesome.
A very bummed out and sad James out.
Im not a massive fan of secret relationships. I have been in a couple and i had my reasons on why this is the case, but i was never a massive fan. This being said, sometimes things like this need to stay a secret. There are many reasons why this is the case. It could be work related, family related, health related or any other personal issue that a person could be going through at a certain time.
Just because you are in this situation doesn't make you untrustworthy. I consider my self pretty trustworthy, just because im a private person who doesnt like my business spread around the world, shouldn't make me seem like im a sneak.
Anyway enough of that.
Reece leaves today. Feels pretty shit house knowing that its just going to be me for a while, without my sidekick. This bums me out on many levels. The first is the absolute stupidity we used to get up to. The booze, the drugs, the talk of women. I will miss those times. The second are the arguments over stupid things. I would always use wikipedia or google to prove my point, and he would always ignore it, tell me to "Fuck off" and storm off. The third is our late night chats. Religion, Women, Games, Music, Stupid things we have done in the past and stupid things we are planning to do in the future. These are just a few of the conversations we've had in the past. It was very odd for us to go a day without seeing each other or talking to each other.
As they say, all good things come to an end. Living with him wasnt only good, it was awesome.
A very bummed out and sad James out.
Thursday, 19 May 2011
Change
Change is bullshit. I get that sometimes things have to change for the better, and that change can be good for one person but not for another, but recently all the changes people are having negatively effect me. Last night out with Reece today before he endeavors Sydney. He is the most annoying man in the existence of the world, but i have lived on and off with him for nearly 10 years and i will miss him like hell. He needed a change, but i didn't. Being selfish is also bullshit, but we all have to be selfish sometimes.
Short but sweet, i know. Finished the movie today and now my mind is mush.
James out.
Short but sweet, i know. Finished the movie today and now my mind is mush.
James out.
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Love
I believe in a thing called love. That was a song i heard years ago sung by a band called the darkness, who my friends and i would piss ourselves laughing listening to, hoping that they would have it a karaoke so we could sing it. I never really thought about the words, but listening to it tonight made me think.
I was chatting to a very special friend of mine the other day about what love is, and they told me something very cool. When the question of "homosexuality" came up, i got a tad nervous. My thoughts and feelings on the subject have been skewed a certain way the last few years, and it is something that i very rarely like to talk about. Trusting this friend, i gave them my answer and they came back with this. Love is love. You can not help who you fall in love with, whether it is male, or female. They continued by saying this.
There are 3 stages to love. You have the first stage called puppy love. This is when you sit there acting all cute, playing the "you hang up first" game and generally wanting to be with the person 24 hours a day 7 days a week, except for pooping time as that should strictly be an alone thing. The second stage is the make or break stage where everything you loved about the person in the puppy love phase now annoys the shit out of you. This is generally the stage where people break up, they realise they were never in love and move on. Often the time getting over the person is quick, and you realise that all along you never fell in love.
The third and final stage, which happens to be my favourite, is the falling in love stage. If you can get through stage 2, realise that those things annoy the living shit out of you, but chose to stick with it because those things make that person who they are, then your in love. It can sometimes take 20 years, it can sometimes take 20 weeks. Hell i know people who have known someone, been with them 20 days, gotten married and its still going strong.
I guess what im trying tosay through all this is 2 things.
The first is that my friend is amazingly wise, and smart and has a great head on their shoulders which i want to get to know more and more.
And the second is simple. Take risks with love. You cannot help the situations you are in and nor should you worry about them. People love being in love, and i can guarantee that you arent the first person that is in the situation that you are in. If the person is worth it, then screw everything else, because you do not want to wake up in 10 years, 5 years or even 2 weeks knowing that you missed out on something that was perfect.
Think about it....
The answer is always the most simple.
James out.
I was chatting to a very special friend of mine the other day about what love is, and they told me something very cool. When the question of "homosexuality" came up, i got a tad nervous. My thoughts and feelings on the subject have been skewed a certain way the last few years, and it is something that i very rarely like to talk about. Trusting this friend, i gave them my answer and they came back with this. Love is love. You can not help who you fall in love with, whether it is male, or female. They continued by saying this.
There are 3 stages to love. You have the first stage called puppy love. This is when you sit there acting all cute, playing the "you hang up first" game and generally wanting to be with the person 24 hours a day 7 days a week, except for pooping time as that should strictly be an alone thing. The second stage is the make or break stage where everything you loved about the person in the puppy love phase now annoys the shit out of you. This is generally the stage where people break up, they realise they were never in love and move on. Often the time getting over the person is quick, and you realise that all along you never fell in love.
The third and final stage, which happens to be my favourite, is the falling in love stage. If you can get through stage 2, realise that those things annoy the living shit out of you, but chose to stick with it because those things make that person who they are, then your in love. It can sometimes take 20 years, it can sometimes take 20 weeks. Hell i know people who have known someone, been with them 20 days, gotten married and its still going strong.
I guess what im trying tosay through all this is 2 things.
The first is that my friend is amazingly wise, and smart and has a great head on their shoulders which i want to get to know more and more.
And the second is simple. Take risks with love. You cannot help the situations you are in and nor should you worry about them. People love being in love, and i can guarantee that you arent the first person that is in the situation that you are in. If the person is worth it, then screw everything else, because you do not want to wake up in 10 years, 5 years or even 2 weeks knowing that you missed out on something that was perfect.
Think about it....
The answer is always the most simple.
James out.
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Beginnings.
Beginnings. They can be scary, they can be exciting. No matter what, they are always there. As I sit here and ponder all the beginnings of my life, I wonder, if any of them had been different, what would be different about me?? Don't get me wrong, i love the life i have and the people i know, but i am also one who over thinks every situation that i get myself into. And trust me, i get myself into lots.
A beginning im starting today is this blog. Maybe it will be like every other blog like thing i have ever done, where i work on it for a certain short amount of time, and then lose the ambition of doing it. Or maybe it will help people, i will make millions and retire at 30 and live in Spain. I like the second, although i was never a massive fan of Spain. I'd have to think of another country i think.
So here it goes.
Recently a lot of changes have been happening. I got a full time position at my work place, which is something i have wanted for 3 years. In the space of a term (I work at a school) I have been promoted. Helped with the technical and data side of building a new building, helped make a movie and start a laptop program that has never been done like this in the world. Let's just say i have been very, very busy. This is a beginning for me i think. At 25 i have achieved more than i expected to achieve at 35. I have to say, im pretty damn happy with that.
Anyway, ill leave it there. Ill keep going on with this for as long as i can be bothered.
There are other beginnings happening to, but i wont talk about them until i see where they go......
A beginning im starting today is this blog. Maybe it will be like every other blog like thing i have ever done, where i work on it for a certain short amount of time, and then lose the ambition of doing it. Or maybe it will help people, i will make millions and retire at 30 and live in Spain. I like the second, although i was never a massive fan of Spain. I'd have to think of another country i think.
So here it goes.
Recently a lot of changes have been happening. I got a full time position at my work place, which is something i have wanted for 3 years. In the space of a term (I work at a school) I have been promoted. Helped with the technical and data side of building a new building, helped make a movie and start a laptop program that has never been done like this in the world. Let's just say i have been very, very busy. This is a beginning for me i think. At 25 i have achieved more than i expected to achieve at 35. I have to say, im pretty damn happy with that.
Anyway, ill leave it there. Ill keep going on with this for as long as i can be bothered.
There are other beginnings happening to, but i wont talk about them until i see where they go......
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